Illinois recently held a competition to design a new state flag, and let me tell you – none of the options were pretty. Join me as I complete a thorough roast of all the finalists. Flags are listed in order of the most to least votes.
Original flag: Somehow, this was the design people ended up choosing. But just to be clear, “the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t” is not always solid advice. I mean just think about it. Illinois wanted to change a state flag, and they weren’t even doing it to avoid their entire state getting cancelled (looking at you, Mississippi). If a flag is that bad, it roasts itself. Also, who decided that upside-down writing was acceptable?
Design #2246: The designer for this one says they have a bachelor’s in graphic design, and honestly, it shows. (I don’t mean that as a compliment, I mean it as “every corporate attempt to look cool and hip”). This design is mid, but the colors and layout generally work. The style of the curved inset lines gives a bit of “what people think the 1960s was without knowing about anything except tie-dye t-shirts.” Also, I do not for a second believe the designer didn’t just make up their reasoning after the fact. “18 points on 3 6-pointed stars to represent the founding in 1818?” Nope, that’s what I make up in studio if a reviewer asks me to justify a choice.
Design #3679: This one is hard. It’s not good, but it’s okay enough to be hard to roast? I mean, the white star looks more like the bead on my nose ring than something supposed to represent Chicago. Which, I mean, given how conservatives like to make “liberals with their dyed hair and nose rings” jokes, and Chicago is one of like two blue areas in red Illinois? Honestly, that might be unintentionally brilliant. Also, this is more on the flag commission in compiling the pdfs of the finalists than anything else, but get better image resolution. I couldn’t tell that it was supposed to be Lincoln. Honestly, this wouldn’t be bad as a novelty dollar coin design, but it doesn’t work as a flag.
Design #896: Are we sure this isn’t just plagiarism? Like, are we absolutely sure? This one looks like the designer saw one CGP Grey video about “seal on a blanket” flags and decided they didn’t want to be on a blanket. (Spoiler: stylizing the edge of the blanket still is a blanket.) It’s giving absolute bare minimum creativity realness. You cannot convince me that people who voted for this thought they were voting for a new flag – like, y’all thought this just was the current state flag. The designer couldn’t even be bothered to fix the direction of the writing – it’s still upside-down, and it’s no better this time around.
Design #4129: To the designer of this flag, I could tell you’re an architect without the description. That’s not a compliment. Honestly, the aspect that most upsets me about this one is the flower in the center. It’s giving “person who has only seen how trees are represented in architectural plans and doesn’t know what real plants look like.” Also, apparently, it’s supposed to be a violet. For all my colorblind friends out there, let me make this clear: that is not violet – either on the color wheel, in the rainbow, or the real flower’s color.
Design #4220: The best part about this flag is that removing a middle digit from its reference number would be perfect. Flags should have a message, and I’ll give this designer points for it having a clear message. Unfortunately, that message is “the last time we had a non-corrupt politician was 160 years ago.” Also, what is going on with Lincoln’s chest? Like I mean that genuinely, that’s not what a human body should look like in profile, even with clothes on. Is he okay? This is a real question. I’m worried. Finally, I agree with the designer on one thing. The flag should reference the indigenous nations (in this case, the Illiniwek and Miami, among others) who lived here first. So why didn’t you exactly?
Design #4321: I feel a little awkward roasting this one, as it’s the only one designed by children. So instead of roasting it too hard, I’m going to more fairly discuss the qualities. First, let’s talk about color theory. Because what is going on here? This looks like it was colored by a 6-year-old with a mostly empty box of crayons looking for a couple that maybe go together but actually don’t. The design itself isn’t actually that bad, the butterfly is wholly unidentifiable as the Monarch butterfly it’s supposed to represent, and the layout of the largest star makes the whole circle unbalanced, but is fine. But while the colors might be blue and orange, the lack of any understanding of palette reminds me of that one image of “color theory: red” that makes every art student instinctively cringe and ruins the rest.
Design #2752: Alright everyone, say it with me. “If you’re going to put an image of Illinois on the Illinois state flag, make sure it’s in the right shape.” The circle background and ring of stars are also weirdly distorted, so I think the designer might’ve incorrectly sized the image, and the flag commission stretched it to fit. Did they just think no one would notice they changed the shape of the state? Apparently, they were right, because 15,379 someones thought that was what Illinois looked like.
Centennial Flag: The more I see this flag, the less I mind the concept, but the more I get bothered by the details. The chevron out of stars is an interesting idea, but why is it inset just a bit too much? The three-strip design is a classic trope for a reason, but the saturation difference is so stark it becomes unbalanced. The star within the false chevron makes sense, but with the extra detailing of the stars that make the chevron, the contrast also makes it unbalanced. Maybe this is just Stockholm Syndrome. I can’t find any redeeming qualities in this, so I have to assume that’s why I’m finding myself defending it.
Design #4669: First of all, “nice.” This flag looks like a college logo designed by someone who lied that they had a degree in graphic design. It looks like the final boss flag for people who use the Liberian flag emoji instead of the American flag emoji. It looks like it wants to play “Where’s Waldo?” It looks like the Cat in the Hat stood in front of Minnesota’s flag, and someone took a picture. Enough of this.
Design #200: I can’t help but feel I’ve seen this flag before. I’ve looked up flags of the world, flags of US states, flags of big cities in the United States, and I can’t find anything that’s super similar. There are some loose resemblances, but nothing close enough for me to confuse them. But somehow this still feels stolen from somewhere, and no amount of looking at it will get rid of this feeling. It’s also – and I cannot stress this enough – the most generic flag I’ve ever seen. And yet somehow, over 2.5 percent of people thought this flag was a good idea.
Design #3754: This seems to be another one designed by someone who has (correctly) seen CGP Grey roast “seal on a bedsheet” flags, but who misunderstood why those were bad. You simplified the seal, and that might be enough to bump it from F-rank to D-rank, but you did just make a new seal and put it on a bedsheet. It even has a border ring. Also, “the central circle abstractly represents the view from above Abraham Lincoln’s hat.” What. The. [This word has been removed for violating publication standards.] Just say you used a circle. Not everything needs to refer to Lincoln.
Sesquicentennial flag: I take what I said about Flag 46Nice. This is the college logo designed by someone who lied that they had a degree in graphic design. The slanted letter with weirdly aggressive serifs? The shape of Illinois so abstracted as to almost be unrecognizable? The random floating star with no relation in either placement or scale to the rest of the flag? The red state that is unnecessarily bright compared to the rest of the flag in ways that are also giving me flashbacks to that “color theory: red” hospital? This is made to appeal to frat bros on a football scholarship at a D3 school and no one else. A beautiful disaster. No notes.
In other words, Illinois was screwed regardless of what flag they went with. This was just… bad. I’m embarrassed for y’all.