The TechNews Immortal Pumpkin
October 2024 – March 27, 2025
[Editor’s Note: This is one of our featured April Fools articles.]
The TechNews Immortal Pumpkin passed away peacefully after a months-long battle with rot at age 5 months. It is unknown when he was planted or harvested, but he was brought into the TechNews family the week before Halloween, joining the TechNews editorial, editing, and writing staff for Halloween festivities. His final day was spent surrounded by the same people who brought him into the office.
The TechNews Immortal Pumpkin’s presence brought joy to the many people who have come through the office doors week after week. He helped bring a sense of familiar comfort to students during 2 midterm seasons and the finals of the Fall 2024 semester. His infectious sharpied-on smile never failed to make the office just a little bit brighter. He maintained a surprisingly youthful look even in his advanced age, surprising many who might not expect such longevity after harvest.
By writing this obituary, we choose to immortalize his brief yet powerful legacy, truly elevating the immortality of The TechNews Immortal Pumpkin. The Editorial Board has chosen to have a closed funeral. May The TechNews Immortal Pumpkin be forever remembered.