I don’t think about you anymore,
Not as often as the past me had hoped anyway,
Oh, how well I remember those days,
The days when I thought you’d be the only thing in my head,
The only sight I’d see, morning and night,
But somewhere down the line, I don’t know how, but here I am,
You are not in my mind constantly anymore.
But that doesn’t mean you’re not in my mind at all, though.
It’s a Friday night, my assignments for the week are done,
I’m cooking pasta for dinner,
Opening a tin of soda, with jazz playing in the background,
I’m happy, content, and carefree, for the weekend, at least,
Or that’s what I thought,
Until you pop up in my head, out of nowhere.
The first time, the thought hits me like a burning lightning,
And I don’t know what to do,
Should I cry? Should I text you? Maybe if I call, you’ll pick up,
Spoiler alert, I don’t do anything, of course, I can’t do anything,
But to take another sip of my soda,
And continue cooking my pasta sauce.
The second time, the thought didn’t hurt as much,
Yes, you popped up again, out of the blue, with no warning,
When I’m in the middle of class, trying to keep up with the professor,
But this time, I simply let out a deep breath,
The heavy feeling in my chest slowly dissipating,
As I try not to zone out from my lecture.
For the third time, I realize something that I hadn’t before,
More than you, your presence, and you as a person,
I think I just miss the version of myself that loved you,
The version that felt safe, secure, with no guards up,
The version that spent more time laughing than crying,
And when I did cry, you were there to provide me comfort,
In a way no one else did before,
And I am beyond thankful to you,
For showing me that that version of myself does exist,
Shocker, I know.
For whatever happened after, just know that I don’t blame you,
Life happens, I know, I get that more than anyone else,
But in that moment, you were my home,
In the softest, most delicate way possible,
So, thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart.
Out of all my almosts, you’re my favorite one,
And you’ll always remain my favorite one.