Due to new copywrite claims sent over by the United States government, Illinois Tech, along with all other universities and companies, is required to no longer use the word “president” in anybody’s title, as it is now reserved for President Donald Trump.
While other schools have pivoted to using the words “director”, “principal”, or “CEO”, Raj Echambadi has opted to be titled “Supreme Leader”.
When President Trump caught word of this change, he decided to retaliate against Supreme Leader Echambadi, also copywriting the term “dean” specifically for our university. When asked why, Trump said, “Withholding funds stopped being fun; we kept getting sued”.
While nothing has been set in stone to fix this new copywrite claim, future meetings between Supreme Leader Echambadi, Principal Louis N. Cattafesta III, Chief Jennifer deWinter, Director Nicole L. Beebe, General Secretary Reed Kroloff, Commander Jason J. Czarnezki, Elder Rich Klein, and Master Anijo Punnen Mathew will be held to determine a solution to this new mess.