It’s been something I’ve dealt with my entire life.
I walk to the post office, and they look me up and down as if I’m an object. They see a small, fragile, little girl. Who the hell do you think I am? They ask me if I need to make two trips to carry a “heavy box”. It weighs max five pounds.
I go to class, sit with my groupmates. They see a dumb woman who could NEVER be as knowledgeable as a man. Meanwhile, I’m at the top of all my classes and do all the work they have failed to complete. They mansplain concepts that I learned about three years ago. They don’t listen to me when I give them instructions. Obviously, they know better, so I let them mess up the only thing they’re responsible for.
I go home. My family treats me like I’m incapable of making my own decisions. I may be the baby of the family, but I’ve been independent since I was 12. I’m 24 with a full-time job.
Even the people that I have known my entire life seem to underestimate me.
What do I need to do to prove to others that I’m capable of way more than they see me as? Who do I have to defeat to finally prove that I’m the smartest person in the room?
Is it my fault?
I changed the way I dress, the way I style my hair, the way I do my makeup. I take on more responsibilities, help more people. I take harder classes, do projects independently instead of with groups, doing double the work that multiple students produce in the span of a week. I get straight A’s, am the favorite of my professors, ask the best questions, go above and beyond.
Some people look up to me. Some people respect me. Some people see the real me.
And then there are the strangers who destroy my confidence with one sentence.
“You should ask someone to help you with that, it’s too difficult for you.”
I’m so tired.