Scientists announced on April 1st definitive evidence to the true answer to the age-old question, ‘Which came first, the chicken or the egg?’ The answer is neither.
“It’s like this third, messed up thing,” paradoxical scientist Rebecca Cao announced in a press conference at the United Nations. “It’s kind of hard to explain.”
The data is still being peer reviewed, so the paper hasn’t been released to the public, but insiders like peer editors and select reporters have been able to witness the third object. Reports have been confusing at best.
Reporter John Barron from the Wall Street Journal was one of the first non-scientists to see it. In an exclusive article, he described the third object as “hard to encapsulate into words,” but “definitely something for sure.” Scientist Juan Pablo Jimenez, the current leading paradoxical scientist in Latin America, referred to the third object as “weird” and “disturbing, almost.” The Principal of Harvard University said in a written statement, “not a chicken nor an egg, I think.”
Citizens around the world are outraged at the lack of description of the answer to one of the most divisive questions in history. Riots broke out in the streets of Amsterdam, and a national referendum on releasing the files is currently being held in India. Residents of Florida are posting conspiracy theory signs everywhere, and Rio de Janeiro has deployed police as waves of residents continue to pelt research facilities with eggs.
“I think we, as the members of the human race, deserve to know,” popular slum lord John Water of Manchester said over the phone. “As a descendant of chicken farmers, it’s really important to me that my family can rest easy knowing the truth.”
“I just want to know what it is so that I can show my brother-in-law up,” suburban American dad Jake Smith expressed through an eloquently written letter to the editor board. “My bet’s on the third thing being more eggy than chickeny.”
The paper is set to be released by the end of next week, but until then, the world will continue to be held in anticipation of this “third, messed up thing.”