Governments around the world have spent the last few weeks contacting and communicating with the Jovian alien astronauts from Jupiter, and today, April 1st, the Jovians have released their final statement before continuing in their space journey.
“I mean, what I saw was great and all, but really, it ain’t allat,” Jovian Spokesperson Sultkghli announced as the 50 space-faring Jovians boarded their spaceship. “Lots of green stuff for sure, but I mean, you know, one color? No variety? Also, there’s, like, not a lot of space. Kinda crowded.”
Jovians usually stand 20 feet tall on average, which might explain why numerous Jovians agreed with Sultkghli’s statement.
“Real crowded, yeah,” Jovian engineer Rrrrrt corroborated. “Maybe it’s just cause you all made everything way too small, though. Either way, not my first vacation spot.”
Scientists, excited to continue learning about Jovians and Jupiter, asked when the spacefarers might return. The response was unexpected.
“Oh, uhh, I don’t really know,” Spokesperson Sultkghli said, “maybe not.” When asked why, Sultkghli simply responded with “I mean…” and gestured vaguely at a tree. Scientists are still debating as to what this might mean, but popular media agrees it is most likely that the Jovian Spokesperson has something against trees.
The Jovians, who arrived five weeks ago in Delaware, of all places, are set to continue their so-called “solar system cruise” with their next stop in Venus, where numerous Jovian scientists expressed excitement over witnessing the “historic Killing Fields.” When human diplomats asked for clarification, the Jovian team laughed before getting quiet when human diplomats asked again.
“Oh, you don’t know about…?” one Jovian said before Sultkghli, who was leading the meeting, changed the topic.
Whether the Jovians return or not, the knowledge they brought with them and shared with our scientists has already proved invaluable, including a cure for male-pattern baldness and a decisive answer to the age-old question of pineapple on pizza.